I was 17 too when I met you. The moment when the car stopped in front of your villa and you murmured “Usurper”, you had won me. The twinkling of your eyes, the slight curve of your lips when you smirk, the way you jump in the pool, transcribe your music, dance your heart out…I was enchanted by your every move.
And then your life changed. You fell in love. When you said, “If he knew if he only knew that I was giving him every chance to put two and two together and come up with a number bigger than infinity“, we could feel how you longed for his touch every second of the day. You became restless seeing how oblivious Oliver was about your feelings that you said: “well if you only knew how little I know about the things that matter“. And then one day you wrote, “can’t stand the silence, I need to speak to you“, to which he replied, “Grow up, I’ll see you at midnight “. Trust me Elio, we held our breath for the “midnight” as much as you did. And then he came, placed his hand on yours and as you murmured “If not later, when?”, we knew this is the fairytale we’ve been waiting for. The way you responded to his every single touch, it seemed like you finally found the oasis amidst the desert.
But every good thing comes to an end and your summer love did too. Oliver left breaking your heart into million pieces and we broke our hearts seeing you shedding tears in front of the fire.
Not all of us have the privilege to experience true love in our lifetime, Elio. You had your chance. You met your soulmate, fell in love and by saying,” you’ll kill me if you stop”, you let Oliver break your heart. When he said “call me by your name and I’ll call you by mine”, the way you took a deep breath and whispered “Elio”, we realized that’s what true love’s supposed to be. So pure, so raw, so intense, so intimate that we feel goosebumps all over our body.
You knew he had to leave one day and yet you devoured yourself in him completely that when it was his time to leave, you went to see him off because you couldn’t afford to let him go without one last glance. Our heart ached when you two parted after the one last hug. On the ride back home you said to your mother,”He came. He left. Nothing else had changed. I had not changed. The world hadn’t changed. Yet nothing would be the same. All that remains is dream making and strange remembrance”.
If parallel universe actually exists, I wish to see you there enjoying your apricot juice, while I’ll reach you and hug you tightly for teaching me what love, affection, longing actually means and how when we love a person, how our souls intertwine and how after a while we can’t differentiate who’s who.
“I’ve loved you for the last time, is it a video?”